Be With Me

I think I may be in one of those watershed moments in one’s life that may determine the course of the rest of my life.

There has just been way too much weirdness this weekend that I can not even begin to explain, not even to myself.

But the thing that brought the events home to me these weird 48 hours is ‘Be With Me’.

So yes, I am at a point in my life where events seem to be unfolding and coming together to tell me something that I still need to confirm. I suppose it started with a conversation with my baby sister and my baby brother after an episode of good ole Oprah.

The episode was about The Secret and intention and putting out into the universe what you want. My siblings just did not believe me when I told them that I would actually rather be with someone, instead of alone. They told me that the energy I have been putting out there is that I am fine on my own and thus the single status I find myself in. I begged to differ and said that was the public personal and that secrectly, who the hell does not want to have someone to come home to at the end of the day.

Cut to Saturday morning and me and my friend, (who I met under normal circumstances if you can call it that except, I just do not meet people. So for me it was just weird that I met someone, a new friend.) decided to go to the market and then take a walk up Signal Hill where a conversation opened a door that I did not know existed.

But, this post this post is not about that, it is about the ‘Be With Me’.

The most heart wrenching story ever told. And I have heard a few.

Be With Me has a few stories tangled in it and when it starts, you think, oh lord it is one of those artsy fartsy movies where you feel cheated at the end of the movie because it did not turn out to be what you expected.

But little did I know that like any other thing in life (books, movies, experiences), they choose us, we do not choose them.

With my brain consumed with possibilities of the future and the doors that had been cracked open, I go into this movie looking for (after watching Gray Matters the previous night) something that would unconfirm what I was feeling and let me know: hey, you are reading way too much into this, you are actually A okay!

Be With Me, (tucked away in the male gay section of the video store), tore me apart. If you’re feeling just a little bit too sorry for yourself and need to come out for a little bit of air, this movie will give you the perspective you need, on love anyway.

I don’t know how to preview this movie, maybe it is meant not to be previewed. You need to just watch it and let it take you to where you need to be.

But of course, someone else did try:

“Although four stories, three fictional and one real, are folded together in Eric Khoo’s elliptical film “Be With Me,” the tale that gives this delicate, melancholic movie its backbone is the true one of its courageous central character, Theresa Chan. A deaf and blind Singaporean woman in her early 60’s who plays herself in the movie, Ms. Chan is an indomitable life force and charismatic screen presence. Even after she concludes her account of transcending the “silent, dark prison” of her disabilities with the help of gifted teachers, you are left wondering how she did it.” The New York Times

'Be with me, my beloved love, that my smile may not fade'.

Oh skipper my skipper

So I went on a tour of some of the islands around Bali today. It promised to be an uneventful trip as I was stuck with the three stooges and a Russian couple, the girl did not speak or understand a word of English.

Being it, my fourth day in this foreign land, I am getting a little bit sick of the gentle people asking me where I am from and what my name is. It is almost like these two questions are an opener to all interactions with the gentle Balinese people. I was warned, it was actually a good thing that the boss gave me a travel book about Bali, it explained that they are prone to asking about your condition and making sure that you are well. It is making conversation really and it is much appreciated, for someone who is traveling alone. Although, I do sometimes misunderstand and think that I am being picked up. I almost very quickly and sadly come to realize that this is not a pick up line but just cutesy.

Anyway, the day did not start out so great as I had not yet moved the Mongolian dinner which was exceptionally spicy. My movement only came just as we are about to set off. They had to wait an extra 15 minutes for the food to reach its final destination.

That off my shoulders, the day was looking brighter. I got the front row seat on the boat and off we went.

It was beautiful and all and all and all. The thing I want to share is my adventure with the skipper under water. Was it a seduction, lost in translation or do I need to get over myself? Here are the facts:

1. I was the only person with a full time under water guide!
2. He held my hand and pointed to the really cool stuff I needed to see!
3. At one point he was on my back and I got a little panicked and re surfaced. Thinking about it now, a woman of my age should just leave nothing unanswered. I should have played back and determined whether the doggy style type thing was an underwater language or if he was really trying to get jiggy with me!
4. The current kept pushing me towards him, my hand may have brushed up against his thingamabob
5. He praised me. When I could only hold my breath for a measly 30 seconds or so and go under and do the cool stuff with him, HE PRAISED ME!

Now, you tell me, was he trying to get jiggy with me or have I become so out of touch with the world that if anyone brushes (not even touches) up against me I think wedding bells? Am I crazy? Or shall I go for another tour tomorrow and find out for sure?

And, and I think one of the waitresses is gay and also wants to get jiggy with me. I am going for a walk with her and her son tomorrow. So will find out soon enough.

Oh dear… To be me